5 Myths About Confidence (and how to build lasting confidence)
You don’t feel unconfident. But lately, you don’t feel quite like you either.
You’re still showing up. Still performing. Still hitting the targets, solving the problems, doing the things.
But behind the polished answers and the composed face… there’s friction.
That rising self-doubt when you’re asked for your view on something unfamiliar.
The second-guessing that creeps in after the meeting ends.
The way your voice catches - not because you’re unprepared, but because something inside you doesn’t feel as certain as it used to.
This isn’t imposter syndrome in its loudest form. It’s quieter. Sharper.
A subtle questioning of your edge, like confidence, is something you used to have in spades, but lately, you’re not so sure.
In this blog, I’m unpacking five of the most common myths about confidence, and what it really takes to build the kind that lasts, especially when the stakes are high.
The Confidence No One Talks About
High performers don’t typically talk about confidence. They’re assumed to have it. But here’s what’s often hidden behind the competence:
Confidence built entirely on external validation
Confidence that hinges on constant achievement
Confidence that disappears the moment things feel unfamiliar
This is the kind of confidence that’s high-functioning… but fragile.
And it’s why so many capable, brilliant leaders hit an invisible wall in their careers or personal growth, not because they’ve lost their skills, but because they’re still relying on the wrong version of confidence.
To rebuild it from the inside out, we need to challenge a few myths that are still shaping how we define and chase confidence, especially in high-performing spaces.
Myth 1: Confidence is a result of success
Success can make you feel good temporarily, but it doesn’t build confidence.
Lasting confidence comes from the belief that you are capable before the win. That you can handle challenge, failure, and uncertainty - not just when you’ve rehearsed it a hundred times, but even when it’s new.
When you tie confidence only to outcomes, it becomes conditional. The next time things wobble, so does your belief in yourself.
Try this:
Instead of asking “Did I succeed?” - ask:
“What did I learn?”
“Where did I show courage?”
“What did this teach me about what I’m capable of?”
These are the moments you add to your confidence bank, a personal stockpile of evidence that reminds you who you are when things get hard.
I break this down more fully in this article on leadership confidence.
Because confidence doesn’t grow when everything’s going smoothly.
It grows when you prove to yourself, again and again, that you can keep showing up before the outcome is certain.
Myth 2: You have to feel confident to act confident
Waiting to feel confident before you take action? That’s a trap.
Confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action, it’s a byproduct of it.
Real confidence is built through motion, especially the kind you take when you don’t feel ready. It’s forged in discomfort, when your stomach flips, your inner critic gets loud, and you move anyway.
The people who seem confident? They’re not always fearless.
They’ve just given themselves more reps, more moments of evidence that they can cope, adapt, and figure it out on the move.
Try this:
Before your next stretch moment - the presentation, the pitch, the conversation - ask yourself:
“What would I do right now if I already believed I could handle it?”
Then do that.
Even if your voice shakes. Even if your hands sweat.
Because action isn’t just the outcome, it’s the training ground for belief.
Myth 3: Faking it until you make it is a lie
I have a borderline allergic reaction to the phrase “fake it till you make it.”
Why? Because high performers don’t fake things. They prep. They analyse. They overdeliver. Faking feels dishonest - like you're pretending to be something you're not.
But here’s the reframe:
There’s a difference between faking your competence and choosing to embody your belief.
You’re not pretending to have skills you don’t have.
You’re choosing to stand, speak, and move like someone who has your own back, especially in moments when your inner critic would rather you shrink.
And science backs this. Studies from Harvard and Columbia show that changes in posture, body language, and self-talk, even before a high-stakes event, can actually change your brain’s performance under pressure.
Harvard professor Amy Cuddy’s research on power posing sparked global conversation when she showed that small changes in body language can have powerful effects on how confident we feel.
Take the Wonder Woman pose
In her book Presence, she explains that confidence doesn’t have to start in the mind.
Instead, it can begin in the body, through what she calls “body-mind nudges.”
Instead of trying to force yourself to believe you're confident, which can backfire when you’re full of doubt, you shift your physiology first.
Take the “Wonder Woman” pose: feet wide, hands-on hips, chin lifted.
It’s expansive. It takes up space. And Cuddy’s research shows that standing this way for even two minutes can increase your sense of control and reduce stress hormones like cortisol.
Why does it work? Because the body has a direct, primitive link to the brain.
It tells your nervous system: I’ve got this.
So, no, you don’t need to fake it.
But you can move through the moment like someone who believes in themselves, and let your body start the conversation when your brain gets in the way.
Myth 4: Confident people are confident all the time
No one is confident all the time. Not even the most successful people you know.
They just know how to anchor themselves when the wobble hits.
Confidence isn’t a personality trait you either have or don’t - it’s a state, and like any state, it shifts. It’s contextual. It’s human. It rises in some rooms and shrinks in others. It expands when you feel supported and contracts when you’re exposed.
The difference isn’t that confident people never doubt themselves.
It’s that they’ve learned how to self-regulate in those moments, how to respond to pressure without making it mean they’re not ready, not credible, or not enough.
Confidence isn’t about feeling bulletproof.
It’s about recognising the wobble and moving anyway, not with arrogance, but with agency.
Myth 5: Some people are just naturally confident
Yes, your upbringing, culture, and early experiences can influence how comfortable you are being seen and heard. But confidence isn’t a gift. It’s a skill.
And like any skill, it’s built.
Through repetition. Through exposure. Through messy reps and showing up on the days you’d rather shrink.
Real confidence isn’t reserved for the loudest person in the room or the one who never doubts themselves.
It’s earned - every time you stop outsourcing your worth to perfection, to praise, or to performance.
Because the truth is, people aren't born confident.
They just stopped waiting for permission, and started building it for themselves.
What If Your Confidence Didn’t Depend on Proving Yourself?
Imagine:
Backing yourself in the middle of uncertainty, not just when you’ve done it before
Speaking up in rooms you used to shrink in, without the mental gymnastics after
Trusting that you’re credible, capable, and ready - even when it’s new territory
That’s not ego. That’s sustainable, identity-based confidence - the kind that doesn’t crumble under pressure or hide behind performance.
And it’s absolutely trainable.
Building Lasting Confidence: Two Practices That Work
Confidence isn’t built in big moments - it’s built in micro-decisions.
The way you talk to yourself. The way you move through discomfort.
The identity you reinforce every single day.
Here are two high-impact, psychology-backed practices that help high performers build confidence that sticks, not the kind that wavers with external results, but the kind that rewires how you see yourself at your core.
1. Use Identity-Based Self-Talk (Not Outcome-Based Loops)
High achievers are excellent problem-solvers, which means they often apply critical thinking inward.
That inner voice that helps you analyse and perform? It can also become the voice that undermines you.
Instead of trying to “feel confident,” start reinforcing the identity of someone resilient, capable, and evolving.
Try this:
Instead of: “I hope I don’t mess this up,”
Say: “I’m someone who figures things out. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.”
This isn’t blind positivity, it’s identity reinforcement.
Your brain takes cues from your language. And your confidence grows not when you eliminate fear, but when you challenge the assumption that fear means you’re not ready.
Why it works:
Identity-based self-talk builds internal stability. It shifts your focus from “Did I do it perfectly?” to “Who am I becoming?” - and that’s where confidence lives.
2. Act Like the Future You (Before You Feel Like THEM)
Ask yourself:
What would the future version of me - the grounded, confident one - do in this moment?
Would they:
Say yes to that opportunity?
Set that boundary?
Own her expertise in that meeting?
Then do that - now.
Don’t wait to “feel ready.” Don’t wait until fear disappears.
Start behaving like that version of you, and the confidence will follow.
This is what psychologists call embodied cognition, your actions don’t just reflect your identity, they shape it.
When you consistently act like the version of you that you want to become, your brain updates its belief system to match.
1% Edge: Choose a daily “future self-habit”, one small action that reminds your nervous system you’re evolving. Confidence comes through alignment, not just affirmation.
If these two practices resonated, you’ll also want to read:
How to Build and Sustain Leadership Confidence When the Stakes Are High - practical strategies for backing yourself under pressure.
Performance Habits for Sustainable Confidence
Confidence isn’t a switch - it’s a system.
Here are five performance habits to train it daily:
Speak like your future self - say “I’m a person who…” instead of “I hope I can…”
Deposit into the confidence bank - keep a daily log of small wins and proof points
Separate self from outcomes - separate your performance from your worth
Take one bold action a day - take one small uncomfortable action daily
Curate your environment - reduce exposure to comparison and increase exposure to inspiration
These aren’t just mindset hacks, they’re identity reinforcers.
Stack them daily, and you’ll stop chasing confidence… and start becoming someone who doesn’t need to.
Still wondering? Here are some FAQ’s
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Confidence is situational, it’s your belief in your ability to do something. Self-esteem is more global, it’s how you view your overall worth. You can be confident in one area and still struggle with low self-esteem.
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Yes. Confidence is built through repetition, reflection, and emotional regulation. It’s not a personality trait, it’s a practice.
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Because pressure activates threat responses. Without the right mental tools, your brain defaults to safety, which often means staying small. Mental performance habits help you stay grounded, even in high-stakes moments.
So there you have it. You don’t need to be louder. Bolder. Or more polished.
You just need to start building your confidence from the right source.
Not perfection.
Not performance.
But identity.
Because when confidence comes from who you are - not what you prove - it becomes unshakable.
So, here’s the real question:
Who are you ready to start becoming today, and what’s one decision that version of you would make next?
At Your Future Forward, I help you rewire performance from the inside out so that you can lead with resilience, confidence and clarity in your career, business and life. If you'd like to know more about creating your Performance Blueprint, drop me a line here.
Stay strong, stay balanced
Yvette x
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